Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Unofficial Blogger Meetup #3

I never wrote a post about blogger meetup #2.  It was too great for words.  You couldn’t possibly have understood, so I didn’t even try.

Anyway, I never get tired of my Kathys.  And this time, I met a new Kathy!  He has written a couple of guest blogs on Kathy’s blog, DIY Horse Ownership

Anyway, I had walked over to the depressage ring with Kathy and Kathy, where we found Kathy and Kathy already engaged in the activity.  It didn’t take long before I understood where this particular sport got its name.  Levels of anxiety were running high, stern faces were about to break out into tears, and that’s just the performers… we spectators had the real reason to be depressed.  If you aren’t familiar with depressage already, let me tell you everything there is to know about it.  It’s BOOOORRRRRIINNNGGG.  One time I watched a gopher dig some holes around a weed-ridden field, and that was far more entertaining just based on the fact that I didn’t know where it would pop up next.  But with depressage, there were trainers calling out what move the horses were going to do next; nothing left to the imagination!  (I’m just wondering how they knew what the horse was going to do…)  Regardless, the rider just sat around on the horse, waiting for it to migrate between letters.  I was hoping the horse would at least jump out of the ring… now THAT would have been exciting!

Speaking of jumping… I recently figured out that there are two jumping sports… Hunters and Jumpers.  Basically, you make the horse soar over horizontal telephone poles that are suspended between different structures which are reminiscent of the fond memories on the ‘ol ranch I don’t have.  If you didn’t realize that horses can fly, please read my post: Information for Pilots Studying the Equestrian Arts.

Now you’re probably wondering to yourself, “Okay, Hunters AND Jumpers.  Two different sports.  What’s the difference?”  There’s a surprising amount of confusion around this topic, and I did a surprising amount of research to figure it all out for you.  I’m going to save you butt-loads of time right now.  The difference between Hunters and Jumpers is: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  They’re the same damn thing.

Anyway, this post wasn’t supposed to be about your ignorance.  Where were we?  Ah yes, Kathy(s).

We hung out for a few moments each time we crossed paths.  Generally, Kathy did the talking, since they were riding or dealing with riders that day, and since terminologies such as, “keep the leg on,” just go over my head.  But lots of interesting things were spoken, and I ended up taking some photographs with two of Kathy’s camera.

Another notable experience for the day was mud.  Lots of mud.  I’m glad I wore my hiking shoes because there was endless mud to be trod upon.  I really think that mud should make an appearance at every horse show.  The kids really liked the mud too.  Mud is a really nice thing to have around.  Whenever I have my own horse, I’m going to make sure I also have mud.  

Anyway, we were at JK Presents, at The Horse Park at Woodside.  If you were there, maybe you saw Kathy too.  Or maybe you saw my sunburn.


Saturday, February 18, 2017

USEA officially adds a 4th discipline!

You read it here first.  USEA has officially added a fourth discipline to 3-day eventing.  However, similar to completing a teaching credential in California, they're just cramming more useless hurdles into the same time-frame.  So 3DE it remains.

This is going to be surprising to most of you, but sometimes it rains in California (and not just the tears of would-be teachers). Due to recent occurrences of precipitation, USEA has decided to refresh its roots in calvary mastery and revive this dire skill.

Which dire skill is this?
Boating. Horse boating. Horses and boats. Boating with horses.
Get ready for a massive surge in oar-to-saddle attachment accessories.

No official methodology has yet been published, nor photographs to depict what you'll have to soon be learning. But you can check out my breadth of research on Google Images below... it should tell you everything that you need to know.

As you can see, horses and boats/oars celebrate an ancient relationship, and it's about time that this historic practice was revived. Tell your friends.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Jimmy H and the Feral Farm Friends - an emo band

My band is better than your band.

My horse's band is better than your band.

Granted, your band probably plays fancy music that requires some sense of creativity and an above-mediocre level of musical skill.
But MY band is EMO... and so is Jimmy H's.

Look, they're just starting out so their SoundCloud doesn't have as many followers as yours.
Look, their recordings aren't that great because my barn recording studio just don't sound as good as your bedroom recording studio.
Look, you may not even respect emo music as a legitimate art form.
But don't you dare go around thinking that Jimmy H and the Feral Farm Friends are anything less than the very best, like no one ever was.

I'm gonna prove to you how emo JH and the FFF are.  Take a look at the hair on this dude from the inferior and lesser known emo band, Patrick Stump:

Now check out the TOTALLY EMO hair on Jimmy H:

Who wore it better?!?! (I mean, feel free to answer, but this is pretty much a rhetorical question, AMIRIGHT?)  Sorry for getting emotional about this.

Don't forget to follow their SoundCloud!  Like/Share/Clicker-Train/Promote their music please!

Saturday, December 3, 2016


Dear Everyone,

I know I haven't been updating my blog recently and I am sorry. There are two reasons for this though: because I've been learning how to put on a bridal,

On a side note, I've learned that hay is, in fact, just a bunch of dried grass, and not, in fact, a distinguished variety of plant.  Thought I'd pass that along.

Monday, October 24, 2016

Anticipating the jump...

The single hallmark of riding horses is jumping high and fast.  I know there's other stuff people do like dressage and grooming, but honestly that's for people with ADHD.  It's all about showing off brute strength and aerodynamics.  This strangely fuzzy black horse I found on the Google surely knows it:

(Look at him soar through that standard!)

So I began doing some more the Google searches to study how other riders get the most out of their jumps.  What I can observe is a culmination of subtle but necessary posture developments.  It's not the kind of thing that emerges overnight [challenge accepted] but takes years of careful training.  I guess that's why horse lessons cost money?  Anyway, see if you can also find what I saw in these photos that was so illuminating about the process of jumping.  (Hint: it's subtler than you'd think.)

(Look closely...)

(This one is obscured by angles)

(This horse is probably R. Kelly)

(LOL j/k this one is a poodle)

The answer is this: they're all leaning forward!  All those riders are like way over the horse's neck.  That's the secret!  To jump high and fast, you need to lean forward.  Try it.  I'm not at the jumping stage yet, but it's never to early to get started, right?  So for your edification, and in anticipation of one day jumping myself, I tried it out:

YES PEOPLE.  This is the look you want to go for when jumping.  Make sure your trainer knows.  (You can never be too sure if they've done extensive the Google searching like I have.)  Good luck on your next jumps!

Sunday, October 23, 2016