Sunday, January 14, 2018
Did you miss my blogposts about Blogger Meetup #5 and #6? Same here. But today we are blessed with my account of #7! (Stay tuned to miss Meetups #8-11.)
The best part was getting to meet yet another long-time Blogger! I had heard many tales, and borne witness to many hilarious groups texts, yet had not met Kathy in the flesh. I promptly arrived at her house after missing dinner and the first hour of FEITV due to my newfound dedication to the best equestrian sport: prancing.
Often incorrectly associated with vaulting, equestrian prancing is the most eXtreme sport that you've probably never heard of.
I, on the other hand, am VERY good at prancing with ponies:
So basically, I was two hours late to our meetup because I was busily prancing.
When I finally showed face, I was GREATLY OFFENDED that they had ALL been watching pony prancing WITHOUT ME. (My therapist is encouraging me to talk openly about my feelings). But it was all good after Kathy brought out some delicious mint cookie ice cream. Thanks Kathy!
Kathy was also with us, visiting from "America's #1 City, 66.6 years running!" according to Satan's Digest, an elite sub-terranian publication that's been going strong for 2 mellinia. That city happens to be San Diego. It was great to see you Kathy!
Kathy, Kathy, and Kathy made up the rest of the group that evening. The centrifuge of experiences shared between so many great minds is really a privilege to be around. For example, Kathy brought up the clever practice of drugging lesson horses instead of properly training them to not buck off small children. Brilliant! A trainer she had once worked for does this every day and the results are perfection – not a single child ever thrown to the ground. Just imagine the confidence that instills in young riders! If I had ridden a doped up horse as a child, it would have taight me the confidence to persevere in my aspirations and never take the easy way out.
One confounding fact I learned from Kathy this evening is that FEI does not allow riders to enjoy performance enhancing drugs. What?! Normally that rule would make sense - Tour de France is all about the rider's performance. But with equestrian sports, the rider just flops about while their horse does all the hard work. Trust me on that, I would know. So it doesn't really matter if we riders take performance enhancing drugs because we don't actually perform! Rules are dumb.
Speaking of rules, I should take a moment to precisely explain the precarious sport of prancing. Basically, a repugnant peasant places your pony on a clothes line and pivots him or her around in a pretty prancing approximation of a parabola. You then prance into the paddock like you're a pretty pony, and pursue your pretty pony as if to proclaim that you are the prettier pony. (Get "all up" in its pretty face like you're juding its haircut - that has the propensity to please the panel of prancing judges.) This whole thing is primarily a pretty pony prance-off. The judges then assess the prettiest prancing, and place a prize ribbon on the pranciest pony, which, of course, is me.
Oh... Kathy, I forgot to ask while we were all together... can you help me assess how many dapples this horse has? Asking for a friend.
Thursday, October 19, 2017
I went to a rated event a couple weeks ago and it was awesome. Lots of horses doing lots of stuff. People too. There was Despressage, Pokèmon Stadium, and Across Country. I took 2,037 really really good photos with my brand new RED camera. Woodside Horse Trials was the event, according to the words I put in my calendar. Here are some of the amazing shots I took:
|What a lovely letter "E"!|
|Really captured the essence of the judge box on this one.|
|Those forested mountains are quite sensational this time of year.|
I'm so good at photos, it's confounding that people haven't given me all their money already.
Anyway, the purpose of this post was to talk about bareback riding. There were so many people at this show who were NOT riding bareback. Like, I know a saddle helps to keep your balance and stuff. But the TRUE art of equestrian stuff is to ride an all-natural, organic, vegetarian, non-GMO horse. And that includes riding without saddles, which are meat products.
How would I know? First, you should read the rest of my blog. Of course I know. Secondly, this here video:
A post shared by Robin Whitehaus (@robinwhitehaus) on
Sunday, August 27, 2017
Camelot. "If you don't know, you don't go," IYDKYDG, to parrot Cocoa Cola's failed mid-1990's marketing campaign, which happens to have been drastically more effective than the last time I kept the leg on.
I know that a full-ton diesel truck packs a lot of power, but I was dismayed to find that we had time traveled to the historic Camelot. I was further surprised to find the castle built of plywood and paint.
Castle in the background, not sure what's happening in the foreground.
Since we were at King Author's Camelot, there were a fair amount of horses. (Apparently, King Author was the most prolific writer of the day, documenting his many adventures.) The thing about these historic horses is that some of them had this condition called "dapples", a proper British term. I had never heard of this condition, and assume I never will again, now being back in the 21st century and all. But while off in a distant land and time, I was fortunate to meet an equi-alchemist named Nicoleerrraaahhhhhh... Kathy!!! (A proper British name.) She was a dapple scientist.
I'm not sure when exactly we crossed the threshold of space and time, but we arrived at Kathy's barn to pick up her noble steed Mu-Ray. They were apparently involved in the capture and improsonment of Devon the two-headed dragon.
Devon may be a prisoner, but he's got some nice bedding!
Kathy had lots of informative informational info about dapples, which she carefully detailed in her Medieval blog. I'm glad she recounted it there because this vast and ancient knowledge was too much for my modern techno-dependent brain to absorb.
After Kathy was finished explaining dapples to me, she piloted Mu-Ray over some of those telephone poles, and did so very excellently. I grabbed the Medieval equivalent to a Nikon digital SLR and snapped some interesting shots:
I also saw Kathy and Kathy there, and Kathy and I met up with them for dinner. (PSA: they have IHOP in 12th century Britain, with proper British food.) None of them had ever heard of dapples. Disturbingly, I had to jump away from dinner to rush outside right away because I was about to start puking on the carpet (even though I hadn’t started heaving or gurgling yet).
It was a wonderful weekend, and a proper Blogger Meetup #4. I even brought back some leeches.
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Saturday, February 18, 2017
This is going to be surprising to most of you, but sometimes it rains in California (and not just the tears of would-be teachers). Due to recent occurrences of precipitation, USEA has decided to refresh its roots in calvary mastery and revive this dire skill.
Which dire skill is this?
Boating. Horse boating. Horses and boats. Boating with horses.
Get ready for a massive surge in oar-to-saddle attachment accessories.
No official methodology has yet been published, nor photographs to depict what you'll have to soon be learning. But you can check out my breadth of research on Google Images below... it should tell you everything that you need to know.
As you can see, horses and boats/oars celebrate an ancient relationship, and it's about time that this historic practice was revived. Tell your friends.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
My horse's band is better than your band.
Granted, your band probably plays fancy music that requires some sense of creativity and an above-mediocre level of musical skill.
But MY band is EMO... and so is Jimmy H's.
Look, they're just starting out so their SoundCloud doesn't have as many followers as yours.
Look, their recordings aren't that great because my barn recording studio just don't sound as good as your bedroom recording studio.
Look, you may not even respect emo music as a legitimate art form.
But don't you dare go around thinking that Jimmy H and the Feral Farm Friends are anything less than the very best, like no one ever was.
I'm gonna prove to you how emo JH and the FFF are. Take a look at the hair on this dude from the inferior and lesser known emo band, Patrick Stump:
Now check out the TOTALLY EMO hair on Jimmy H:
Who wore it better?!?! (I mean, feel free to answer, but this is pretty much a rhetorical question, AMIRIGHT?) Sorry for getting emotional about this.
Don't forget to follow their SoundCloud! Like/Share/Clicker-Train/Promote their music please!