Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Hot Blooded Horses - surprising update

I was doing some more searching, and it turns out that there was a band who recorded a song about Hot Blooded horses, which very much validates all of my findings about them.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Hot Blooded Horses

Well, I can say that I'm offended, to say the least.

I previously wrote an entire post about warm blooded verses cold blooded horses, and nobody even bothered to tell me that there is a such thing as hot blooded horses.  I never!

As soon as I learned about their existence, I went to to learn all about what all the non-hype was about.  I just HAD to check it and see:

Normal non-freak horses' body temperature runs up to 101° Fahrenheit, but hot blooded horses' temperature runs at a feverish hundred-and-three.

I'm just gonna lay this on the line: Hot-blooded horses move SO FINE.  Honey, that's something you oughta know.  Like you don't have to read my mind to know that I have it in mind.

You might not know that they are also loving creatures.  A hot blooded horse would totally meet up for a secret rendezvous - probably involving a trail ride, or some carrots.

And for you dressage aficionados, hot blooded horses do more than dance.  Again, check it and see!

Often they look more mature than they are, so if you're looking to buy one, make sure to call the seller's bluff on its age - even though you can't make a profit by selling a horse as older than it really is.  But at the same time they sell really fast so make sure your timing is right.

Here are some other quick facts:
They maintain their heat through the night, every night.
With minimal lateral flexion, their physique will look so tight.
They will definitely drive you wild.
Temperature remains "hot blooded" whether you're old or a child.
In order to be a happy owner of a hot blood, you must be a little bit high.
Surprisingly, they can be a little bit shy.
If hot blooded horses are for you, they will make you sing; it's a sweet sweet thing.

This dude loves hot blooded horses.

That's about it.

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Official Blogger Meetup #7 - Prancing with Ponies

Did you miss my blogposts about Blogger Meetup #5 and #6?  Same here. But today we are blessed with my account of #7. (Stay tuned to miss Meetups #8-11!)

The best part was getting to meet yet another long-time Blogger! I had heard many tales, and borne witness to many hilarious groups texts, yet had not met Kathy in the flesh. I promptly arrived at her house after missing dinner and missing the first hour of FEITV due to my newfound dedication to the best equestrian sport: prancing.

Often incorrectly associated with vaulting, equestrian prancing is the most eXtreme sport that you've probably never heard of.

Here we see an awkward screenshot of Dr. Strange not doing a very good job at prancing. He doesn't look very much like a fancy pony, and he has lost his horse.

I, on the other hand, am VERY good at prancing with ponies:

So basically, I was two hours late to our meetup because I was busily prancing.

When I finally showed face, I was GREATLY OFFENDED that they had ALL been watching pony prancing WITHOUT ME (my therapist is encouraging me to talk openly about my feelings). But it was all good after Kathy brought out some delicious mint cookie ice cream. Thanks Kathy!

Kathy was also with us, visiting from "America's #1 City, 66.6 years running!" according to Satan's Digest, an elite sub-terranian publication that's been going strong for 2 mellinia. That city happens to be San Diego. It was great to see you Kathy!

Kathy, Kathy, and Kathy made up the rest of the group that evening. The centrifuge of experiences shared between so many great minds is really a privilege to be around. For example, Kathy brought up the clever practice of drugging lesson horses instead of properly training them to not buck off small children. Brilliant! A trainer she had once worked for does this every day and the results are perfection – not a single child ever thrown to the ground. Just imagine the confidence that instills in young riders! If I had ridden a doped up horse as a child, it would have taight me the confidence to persevere in my aspirations and never take the easy way out.

One confounding fact I learned from Kathy this evening is that FEI does not allow riders to enjoy performance enhancing drugs. What?! Normally that rule would make sense - Tour de France is all about the rider's performance. But with equestrian sports, the rider just flops about while their horse does all the hard work. Trust me on that, I would know. So it doesn't really matter if we riders take performance enhancing drugs because we don't actually perform! Rules are dumb.

Speaking of rules, I should take a moment to precisely explain the precarious sport of prancing. Basically, a repugnant peasant places your pony on a clothes line and pivots him or her around in a pretty prancing approximation of a parabola. You then prance into the paddock like you're a pretty pony, and pursue your pretty pony as if to proclaim that you are the prettier pony. (Get "all up" in its pretty face like you're juding its haircut - that has the propensity to please the panel of prancing judges.) This whole thing is primarily a pretty pony prance-off. The judges then assess the prettiest prancing, and place a prize ribbon on the pranciest pony, which, of course, is me.

Oh... Kathy, I forgot to ask while we were all together... can you help me assess how many dapples this horse has? Asking for a friend.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Ridin' Bareback

I went to a rated event a couple weeks ago and it was awesome.  Lots of horses doing lots of stuff.  People too.  There was Despressage, Pok√®mon Stadium, and Across Country.  I took 2,037 really really good photos with my brand new RED camera.  Woodside Horse Trials was the event, according to the words I put in my calendar.  Here are some of the amazing shots I took:

What a lovely letter "E"!

Really captured the essence of the judge box on this one.

Those forested mountains are quite sensational this time of year.

I'm so good at photos, it's confounding that people haven't given me all their money already.

Anyway, the purpose of this post was to talk about bareback riding.  There were so many people at this show who were NOT riding bareback.  Like, I know a saddle helps to keep your balance and stuff.  But the TRUE art of equestrian stuff is to ride an all-natural, organic, vegetarian, non-GMO horse.  And that includes riding without saddles, which are meat products.

Take it from me, riding bareback is not that difficult.

How would I know?  First, you should read the rest of my blog.  Of course I know.  Secondly, this here video:
A post shared by Robin Whitehaus (@robinwhitehaus) on


Sunday, August 27, 2017

I visited 12th century Britain last weekend. What did YOU do?

Camelot. "If you don't know, you don't go," IYDKYDG, to parrot Cocoa Cola's failed mid-1990's marketing campaign, which happens to have been drastically more effective than the last time I kept the leg on.

I know that a full-ton diesel truck packs a lot of power, but I was dismayed to find that we had time traveled to the historic Camelot. I was further surprised to find the castle built of plywood and paint. 

Castle in the background, not sure what's happening in the foreground.

I digest...

Since we were at King Author's Camelot, there were a fair amount of horses. (Apparently, King Author was the most prolific writer of the day, documenting his many adventures.) The thing about these historic horses is that some of them had this condition called "dapples", a proper British term.  I had never heard of this condition, and assume I never will again, now being back in the 21st century and all. But while off in a distant land and time, I was fortunate to meet an equi-alchemist named Nicoleerrraaahhhhhh... Kathy!!! (A proper British name.) She was a dapple scientist.

I'm not sure when exactly we crossed the threshold of space and time, but we arrived at Kathy's barn to pick up her noble steed Mu-Ray. They were apparently involved in the capture and improsonment of Devon the two-headed dragon. 

Devon may be a prisoner, but he's got some nice bedding!

Kathy had lots of informative informational info about dapples, which she carefully detailed in her Medieval blog. I'm glad she recounted it there because this vast and ancient knowledge was too much for my modern techno-dependent brain to absorb. 

After Kathy was finished explaining dapples to me, she piloted Mu-Ray over some of those telephone poles, and did so very excellently. I grabbed the Medieval equivalent to a Nikon digital SLR and snapped some interesting shots:

I also saw Kathy and Kathy there, and Kathy and I met up with them for dinner. (PSA: they have IHOP in 12th century Britain, with proper British food.) None of them had ever heard of dapples. Disturbingly, I had to jump away from dinner to rush outside right away because I was about to start puking on the carpet (even though I hadn’t started heaving or gurgling yet).

It was a wonderful weekend, and a proper Blogger Meetup #4. I even brought back some leeches.