Sunday, August 27, 2017

I visited 12th century Britain last weekend. What did YOU do?

Camelot. "If you don't know, you don't go," IYDKYDG, to parrot Cocoa Cola's failed mid-1990's marketing campaign, which happens to have been drastically more effective than the last time I kept the leg on.

I know that a full-ton diesel truck packs a lot of power, but I was dismayed to find that we had time traveled to the historic Camelot. I was further surprised to find the castle built of plywood and paint. 

Castle in the background, not sure what's happening in the foreground.

I digest...

Since we were at King Author's Camelot, there were a fair amount of horses. (Apparently, King Author was the most prolific writer of the day, documenting his many adventures.) The thing about these historic horses is that some of them had this condition called "dapples", a proper British term.  I had never heard of this condition, and assume I never will again, now being back in the 21st century and all. But while off in a distant land and time, I was fortunate to meet an equi-alchemist named Nicoleerrraaahhhhhh... Kathy!!! (A proper British name.) She was a dapple scientist.

I'm not sure when exactly we crossed the threshold of space and time, but we arrived at Kathy's barn to pick up her noble steed Mu-Ray. They were apparently involved in the capture and improsonment of Devon the two-headed dragon. 

Devon may be a prisoner, but he's got some nice bedding!

Kathy had lots of informative informational info about dapples, which she carefully detailed in her Medieval blog. I'm glad she recounted it there because this vast and ancient knowledge was too much for my modern techno-dependent brain to absorb. 

After Kathy was finished explaining dapples to me, she piloted Mu-Ray over some of those telephone poles, and did so very excellently. I grabbed the Medieval equivalent to a Nikon digital SLR and snapped some interesting shots:


I also saw Kathy and Kathy there, and Kathy and I met up with them for dinner. (PSA: they have IHOP in 12th century Britain, with proper British food.) None of them had ever heard of dapples. Disturbingly, I had to jump away from dinner to rush outside right away because I was about to start puking on the carpet (even though I hadn’t started heaving or gurgling yet).

It was a wonderful weekend, and a proper Blogger Meetup #4. I even brought back some leeches.



Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Unofficial Blogger Meetup #3

I never wrote a post about blogger meetup #2.  It was too great for words.  You couldn’t possibly have understood, so I didn’t even try.

Anyway, I never get tired of my Kathys.  And this time, I met a new Kathy!  He has written a couple of guest blogs on Kathy’s blog, DIY Horse Ownership

Anyway, I had walked over to the depressage ring with Kathy and Kathy, where we found Kathy and Kathy already engaged in the activity.  It didn’t take long before I understood where this particular sport got its name.  Levels of anxiety were running high, stern faces were about to break out into tears, and that’s just the performers… we spectators had the real reason to be depressed.  If you aren’t familiar with depressage already, let me tell you everything there is to know about it.  It’s BOOOORRRRRIINNNGGG.  One time I watched a gopher dig some holes around a weed-ridden field, and that was far more entertaining just based on the fact that I didn’t know where it would pop up next.  But with depressage, there were trainers calling out what move the horses were going to do next; nothing left to the imagination!  (I’m just wondering how they knew what the horse was going to do…)  Regardless, the rider just sat around on the horse, waiting for it to migrate between letters.  I was hoping the horse would at least jump out of the ring… now THAT would have been exciting!

Speaking of jumping… I recently figured out that there are two jumping sports… Hunters and Jumpers.  Basically, you make the horse soar over horizontal telephone poles that are suspended between different structures which are reminiscent of the fond memories on the ‘ol ranch I don’t have.  If you didn’t realize that horses can fly, please read my post: Information for Pilots Studying the Equestrian Arts.

Now you’re probably wondering to yourself, “Okay, Hunters AND Jumpers.  Two different sports.  What’s the difference?”  There’s a surprising amount of confusion around this topic, and I did a surprising amount of research to figure it all out for you.  I’m going to save you butt-loads of time right now.  The difference between Hunters and Jumpers is: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  They’re the same damn thing.

Anyway, this post wasn’t supposed to be about your ignorance.  Where were we?  Ah yes, Kathy(s).

We hung out for a few moments each time we crossed paths.  Generally, Kathy did the talking, since they were riding or dealing with riders that day, and since terminologies such as, “keep the leg on,” just go over my head.  But lots of interesting things were spoken, and I ended up taking some photographs with two of Kathy’s camera.

Another notable experience for the day was mud.  Lots of mud.  I’m glad I wore my hiking shoes because there was endless mud to be trod upon.  I really think that mud should make an appearance at every horse show.  The kids really liked the mud too.  Mud is a really nice thing to have around.  Whenever I have my own horse, I’m going to make sure I also have mud.  


Anyway, we were at JK Presents, at The Horse Park at Woodside.  If you were there, maybe you saw Kathy too.  Or maybe you saw my sunburn.

video

Saturday, February 18, 2017

USEA officially adds a 4th discipline!

You read it here first.  USEA has officially added a fourth discipline to 3-day eventing.  However, similar to completing a teaching credential in California, they're just cramming more useless hurdles into the same time-frame.  So 3DE it remains.

This is going to be surprising to most of you, but sometimes it rains in California (and not just the tears of would-be teachers). Due to recent occurrences of precipitation, USEA has decided to refresh its roots in calvary mastery and revive this dire skill.

Which dire skill is this?
 
Boating. Horse boating. Horses and boats. Boating with horses.
Get ready for a massive surge in oar-to-saddle attachment accessories.

No official methodology has yet been published, nor photographs to depict what you'll have to soon be learning. But you can check out my breadth of research on Google Images below... it should tell you everything that you need to know.








As you can see, horses and boats/oars celebrate an ancient relationship, and it's about time that this historic practice was revived. Tell your friends.



Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Jimmy H and the Feral Farm Friends - an emo band

My band is better than your band.

My horse's band is better than your band.

Granted, your band probably plays fancy music that requires some sense of creativity and an above-mediocre level of musical skill.
But MY band is EMO... and so is Jimmy H's.

Look, they're just starting out so their SoundCloud doesn't have as many followers as yours.
Look, their recordings aren't that great because my barn recording studio just don't sound as good as your bedroom recording studio.
Look, you may not even respect emo music as a legitimate art form.
But don't you dare go around thinking that Jimmy H and the Feral Farm Friends are anything less than the very best, like no one ever was.

I'm gonna prove to you how emo JH and the FFF are.  Take a look at the hair on this dude from the inferior and lesser known emo band, Patrick Stump:


Now check out the TOTALLY EMO hair on Jimmy H:


Who wore it better?!?! (I mean, feel free to answer, but this is pretty much a rhetorical question, AMIRIGHT?)  Sorry for getting emotional about this.

Don't forget to follow their SoundCloud!  Like/Share/Clicker-Train/Promote their music please!